I HAART HIV

That's the bumper sticker I will make if I go into Infectious Disease.

Indy 500 unread messages

The disappointment of seeing a new facebook message and finding out it's a 3rd tier friend inviting you to their shitty indy band show at an overpriced bar is like getting dress socks for Christmas.  Only dress socks have some use, your band does not.

Mid 20's angst

No, YOU'RE being unreasonable, Sober Dan! I'm staying at Drunk Dan's tonight. He will let me stay up as late as I want and text any ex I feel like. Hey! Give it back. No, don't lock my phone! I HATE you!

No Fucking, Kidding

"Pelvic rest" the term used when doctors want to prescribe to someone to abstain from sex.  Take two tablets of NoFunUmab* and call me in the morning when you are bored and pissed and keep getting pestered about a blowie.

*that's right, it's a monoclonal antibody.

Clippers

I rarely try to drop the med school thing when talking to strangers.  If it comes up, fine, but I'm not insecure enough to feel like I need to let everyone know what I do.  Except when buying a belt clip for my phone.

"THANKS FOR THE BELT CLIP!  THIS WILL GO GREAT ON MY SCRUBS.  THE ONES I HAVE TO WEAR IN THE HOSPITAL.  THAT ABSOLUTELY NECESSITATE A BELT CLIP BECAUSE OF A LACK OF POCKETS AND NOT BECAUSE I'M ONE OF THOSE BELT CLIP GUYS!"
"Sir, can you please keep your voice down"
"SIR? SOON IT WILL BE DOCTOR.  BECAUSE PEOPLE WITH BELT CLIPS EITHER NEED TO BE DOCTORS OR NEED STOCK IN HAIR GEL!  ZINNGGG, GOTTA HATE THOSE GUYS!  AM I RIGHT? THIS GUY KNOWS WHAT I'M TALKIN ABOUT!   NOT ENOUGH POCKETS!"
"Yes we can all see that you need to wear scrubs.  Apparently to the store.  And have stuffed your pockets with what appears to be some bandaids, a single pen, and toilet paper.  Please leave."
"OK, BUT THEN I'LL PROBABLY HAVE TO GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL.  PROBABLY FOR AN IMPORTANT PROCEDURE OR SOMETHING!  HEY HOW DO YOU PUT THIS BELT CLIP ON?  I WOULDN'T KNOW, I'VE NEVER WORN ONE BEFORE.  POCKETS!"
"Stop saying pockets."