Deoderant: it all smells better than BO

Secret: Strong enough for a man, made for a woman, used by me while you were in the bathroom so I don't smell like roadkill for this thang we about to do.

PO challenge is my favorite, BO challenge is my least favorite

You know what my favorite test in medicine is?
No.
No.
No. Stop saying stool tests, this is a rare instance when it is not directly related to poo.  It's the PO challenge.  "PO" means, "per oral", or, "by mouth".  So the challenge is, can this person take food and drink by mouth, i.e. give them food and see how they do. 

This is awesome.  I wish someone would PO challenge me daily.  Just run up to me in the street and yell, "PO challenge!" then put a cheese steak and a bag of peanut M&Ms in front of me.

"What? Oh, you fucker!  Ok, let's do this.  Sorry Grandma, drive yourself to rehab, I've got a PO challenge to crush!"

Dichotomize: a great way to be an asshole

There are only two kinds of people in the world, regular people and know-it-all pricks who blatantly ignore the finer gradations of life in favor of sweeping generalizations that divide the world in two.

up up down down left right left right hit the center button then unlock the phone and troubleshoot

My iPhone connector to my PC (That's right, I'm a PC owner.  Eat that, Arbitrarily Shitty Mac) doesn't connect very well so I have to use a lot of finesse when synching it.  This is the closest thing I've had to trying to get a Nintendo cartridge to work in 15 years.  I really hope that at some point I decide that it needs a good blowing*.

*Note: I know what you are going to say here, blowing my iPhone would never get the connector to insert with more power and leave my iPhone charged for the whole day; that would be silly.  But this handjob I'm doing is just not filling my phone with the juice it needs, so I need to do something soon or my phone will become drained, shut down, and seek help elsewhere.  That whore.

Working like a dog. And later, being put down like a dog. Part 2

I haven't had a single problem all year.  This is because I have absolutely zero shame in rolling over.

Smile, nod, apologize, blame it on being new, apologize again, get them a soda, apologize again, smear feces on your face until everyone is laughing.  I don't care.  For me, it's totally worth it. I walk out every day with a smile, and some feces, on my face.

But I cannot blame my classmates who don't feel that way.  Without question, the two things that prepared me for being a med student more than anything else were football and my short lived days of being hazed in a fraternity (I'm such a stereotype, bro).  Not everyone thinks it's ok to be 26, but be treated like you are 8.  And stupid.  And useless.  So they stand up for themselves.  And that's when the flames start to appear, the smoke billows out and we fold a flag very neatly and take it to their parents' house.

After going through it, my advice is as follows**:  The hospital really is a rough place.  Not to sound over-dramatic, but people fucking die there and that changes the game a bit.  So people are really strung out.  The problems that occur are almost never because of someone being a genuine dick (although they exist) or incompetent (despite what everyone with a different job title will say about them the second they leave the room).  As is the case with most things, the problem is situational, not personal.  It is completely worthwhile to cool down and then just go talk to that person.  Pull them aside and say, "I'm very sorry that we seemed to have a problem yesterday, I wanted to clarify why I seemed upset."  If you talk yourself into a corner just say, "Well at the time, I thought it was best for the patient."  Then repeat, "I thought it was best for the patient" in a stern voice until they leave. Or completely roll over and smear poop on your face.  Haha, look at that guy, he's got poopey on his face!

*Note: This advice is for the 2 premeds who accidentally read this.