Monday, November 22, 2010

up up down down left right left right hit the center button then unlock the phone and troubleshoot

My iPhone connector to my PC (That's right, I'm a PC owner.  Eat that, Arbitrarily Shitty Mac) doesn't connect very well so I have to use a lot of finesse when synching it.  This is the closest thing I've had to trying to get a Nintendo cartridge to work in 15 years.  I really hope that at some point I decide that it needs a good blowing*.

*Note: I know what you are going to say here, blowing my iPhone would never get the connector to insert with more power and leave my iPhone charged for the whole day; that would be silly.  But this handjob I'm doing is just not filling my phone with the juice it needs, so I need to do something soon or my phone will become drained, shut down, and seek help elsewhere.  That whore.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Working like a dog. And later, being put down like a dog. Part 2

I haven't had a single problem all year.  This is because I have absolutely zero shame in rolling over.

Smile, nod, apologize, blame it on being new, apologize again, get them a soda, apologize again, smear feces on your face until everyone is laughing.  I don't care.  For me, it's totally worth it. I walk out every day with a smile, and some feces, on my face.

But I cannot blame my classmates who don't feel that way.  Without question, the two things that prepared me for being a med student more than anything else were football and my short lived days of being hazed in a fraternity (I'm such a stereotype, bro).  Not everyone thinks it's ok to be 26, but be treated like you are 8.  And stupid.  And useless.  So they stand up for themselves.  And that's when the flames start to appear, the smoke billows out and we fold a flag very neatly and take it to their parents' house.

After going through it, my advice is as follows**:  The hospital really is a rough place.  Not to sound over-dramatic, but people fucking die there and that changes the game a bit.  So people are really strung out.  The problems that occur are almost never because of someone being a genuine dick (although they exist) or incompetent (despite what everyone with a different job title will say about them the second they leave the room).  As is the case with most things, the problem is situational, not personal.  It is completely worthwhile to cool down and then just go talk to that person.  Pull them aside and say, "I'm very sorry that we seemed to have a problem yesterday, I wanted to clarify why I seemed upset."  If you talk yourself into a corner just say, "Well at the time, I thought it was best for the patient."  Then repeat, "I thought it was best for the patient" in a stern voice until they leave. Or completely roll over and smear poop on your face.  Haha, look at that guy, he's got poopey on his face!

*Note: This advice is for the 2 premeds who accidentally read this.

Working like a dog. And later, being put down like a dog. Part 1

It's amazingly easy to have your work environment spiral completely out of control as a med student.  I mean that in the worst way possible.  That, "I dread going to work every day, every one is out to get me (or, as we love to say in the medical world, "everyone is malignant", which means everyone has the potential to metastasize to other organs in your body.  Because that's what malignant means.  It doesn't really apply to human beings.  It's a stupid analogy, but makes us sound smart.  What was I talking about? I was in the middle of some quotations, so I'll just end them now and see how we do.)"

Medicine is unbelievably hierarchical (I spelled that write the first try, eat that Mrs. Farmer!), extremely territorial, and mind-blowingly adversarial.  It is a place like no fucking other. So take all of the normal problems with coworkers, bosses, work assignments, and deadlines, then throw an awkwardly useless human into the mix, that has to get certain things accomplished, while unquesioningly slowing the whole system down, and you can see why problems start.  Problems with residents.  Problems with other med students.  Problems with attendings.  Problems with nurses.  Problems with inanimate, but decidedly territorial objects.  The list goes on.

One awkward misunderstanding and you have just tapped into a world of hurt. You won't say anything because you are being evaluated, and getting into it with a nurse who works there every single day with the doctors evaluating you; someone who has worked there since before you even came up with the idea for your shitty, overindulgent college personal statement, is a bad, bad, bad idea.  So you won't say a thing.  Or you will and dig yourself a further hole.

I have seen this.  I have seen people have to essentially get entire chunks of their evaluations thrown out, and have to be moved to a different work site because of problems with staff.  The only reason these students even get that kind of resolution is because it's 2010 and in the last few years it occurred to med school administrations that it isn't ok to abuse the shit out of medical students.  Medical students who happen to be adults.  Responsible, voting, recycling adults.

Monday, November 8, 2010

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Don't bother me, I'm busy drawing this horse I'm going to eat when I'm bored

The difference in my hunger between when I'm busy and when I'm bored has been scientifically derived to be a fucking horse.