Sunday, September 25, 2011

display('programming sucks')

I'm learning to program (again), which is a lot like trying to learn to live in a world with a different set of physical laws, holding nothing but wikipedia.  It's like appearing in a world, wearing normal clothes, and the sun is shining, and people are walking around looking normal, so you try to take a step. Error.  Area (muscle) non-real index.

So your leg doesn't move. So you look up muscle.  Then you realize you need to know more than muscle, so you go looking for other stuff that is often cool, but you have no idea if you need it or not.  So you look up cell, nerve, desire, will-power, gravity, lactic acid, exhaustion, coordination, balance, track and field, world records, and walk-a-thon.  You try again. Your leg picks up and you try to extend your leg to land the step. Error. Undefined function or method 'step' for input arguments of "walk".

I respect the shit out of people who spend they're lives recreating the world through a made up series of logical operators, while listening to techno and monstering red bull.

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

This is what I think about when I'm on a research month

You will be locked in the same place for the rest of your life.  If you leave, even for a short time, you will be accompanied by a guard and in shackles.  You will get around 15 minutes of outdoors time per day, most days, weather permitting.  Exactly twice per day, you will be fed the same food you are always fed with no variation.  You may have water when you need it.  You will receive special goods and services, but only upon witnessed and continued good behavior.  You will speak only when spoken to, and never too loudly.  You will be castrated.


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

You can take my freedom, but you can't take the word Dong.

I was taking this test where we see standardized patients*, take a history and physical on them, then write the whole thing up, come up with a differential diagnosis, and order some fake tests.  It's a timed test for both the interview and the write-up, so you tend to rush through and not care much about spelling and whatnot.  Still, I finished one patient and had a bit of time to review my write up, at which point I found this:

"64 year old female complaining of left sided chest pain following exertion.  Patient was taking her dong for a walk when she began feeling chest pain."

Hahahahahahahahaha, dong, hahahahahah, no but seriously, delete.

*note: Standardized patients are actors paid to pretend to have certain diseases and to give us information only when we ask the right questions.  It's a bit like a LARPing in terms of realness, skill at acting, and awkwardness.