Friday, December 25, 2009

Winery Refinery

As a long time drinker and new found wine connoisseur (which I think is French for "drinker"), I have recently figured out an algorithm for purchasing a quality wine.  

My first step is to peruse the aisles and try to choose a country's vineyard that I would like to try.  Generally I stick with Australians and French wines because those are the physically closest sections to the entrance. 

Next, I choose a grape.  Traditionally, red's go with more full meats and white's find the palate better with fish or chicken, but let me emphasize that a white needs to be chilled and isn't chilled at most wine distributors, whereas a red is ready to rock right out of the bag.  Among the reds, I'm a fan of the thicker, fuller, volumetrically larger bottles and tend to go with those.

The final step is, unfortunately, really more of an art than a science, and although I can describe the basic formula, some of the inputs require significant practice.  Essentially, I take a look at the name of the winery, and then of the particular label of that wine, I take the hilarity of either (or both, if it's a really good wine, like Benzinger's Moose Shoot) and multiply* that by the inverse of the price.  High score wins. 

*Note: There is no real math involved.  I mostly go, "Moose Shoot?  That's pretty funny.  11 bucks?  That's pretty cheap.  Donzos".


smith5213 said...

I really enjoy your blog, I felt like I should comment accordingly since no one seems to comment.

Meat, M.D. said...

Thanks. It is hard for me to know anyone is reading, so I appreciate feedback.

Nicholas said...

This is a great post, Dan. Keep up the good work (and by good work, I mean humorous one-off bits on the internet, not medical study).

Anonymous said...

conaisseur actuallyis person who knows in french.
cool blog + your rumis rock =)