Thursday, February 24, 2011

My defense of Twitter or, how I've lost all self respect and started defending Twitter (and capitalizing Twitter)

I used to think Twitter was the stupidest fad since friendship bracelets*.  Only 140 characters, a bunch of shit-heads saying whatever comes to their mind, more screennames, profile picks and customized backgrounds.  It's Myspace for away messages.  Or as one friend described it, "Twitter, were we come to talk to ourselves, together".

But that's like saying 1970's Harlem street ball sucks, look at it, just an asphault black top, two poles and a basketball on a broken playground.

You're missing the point, which is, look who came to play.  Fucking everyone.

It's just the new playground for awesomeness.

Comedians are there.  You can see the new, up and coming, talented but currently without a network deal, comic just plop down and start firing new material.  You can see the old, established, veteran come hang out and show off their patented hook shot.  You can see STEVE FUCKING MARTIN come in and 360 dunk from the foul line.  It's the perfect place for comedians to give something a try.

Politicians are there.  They are tight, they are polished, they are informative, they are boring.  But they are there.  And if you are into that sort of thing, it goes all the way to the top.  Ghost-written, but it's the official word and it's coming out regularly.

Celebrities are there.  You cannot miss these.  They are tight, they are polished, they are drunk.  They are the fight that breaks out after a bad foul call (I'm really trying to push this streetball metaphor).  They are a train wreck and it's awesome.  Kanye West is notorious for letting his mouth rip on Twitter and man, that shit is raw.  If someone is ghost-writing his stuff, then that person lets his mouth rip and man, that shit is raw.

And like anything that seems to be popular, you can see the official sponsorship show up.  What better way to promote your product to the people who want it than to have them "follow" you.  Tweet and ye' shall receive.  I don't mean that Twitter is swarming with ads, I mean that CNN tweets their headlines with a link and if I'm interested, I direct myself straight to it.  But the best part is, that right underneath that is Fox News with their headlines.  I can pick and choose exactly what I want, when I want**.  It's kind of like saying, "I like vietnamese food, italian dishes and burgers most" and then every time you say, "I'm hungry" the whole menu from  Pho Cali, La Viola, and Brent's Burgers shows up in front of you, fully cooked and ready to go at the speed of a 4G network.  Anything you are into is there and updating constantly.

And Twitter is fast.  Twitter is the fastest thing out there.  You don't have to write a story.  You don't have to send a reporter or set up a news van.  You don't have to make a list-serv and craft and email.  You just have to write 140 characters and post.  If it's important, it will be seen.  And re-seen and re-seen until everyone relevant has seen it.  If you follow the right people, you won't miss anything relevant in your world.

Twitter is the only place where you can follow the news, the fake news, your favorite celebrities, your least favorite celebrities, your friends, Sesame Street, STEVE FUCKING MARTIN, and the game in under 3 minutes from your phone.

Oh, it also seems to be playing a role in some sort of revolution in another country.  I don't really know because The Onion hasn't produced any hilarious headlines about it yet.

*Note: I love friendship bracelets.
**Note: These are obviously fake examples. I wouldn't read either of those if you paid me. Probably replace "CNN" with "The Onion" and "Fox News" also with "The Onion". 

1 comment:

Nicholas said...


(to point out that one of your longest posts in recent memory is about twitter)