Things I've learned on Peds

I think there is a real deficiency in explaining things through puppets these days.  If it worked for words that begin with the letter R, why can't it work for health care or 1040's?  No Elmo, you don't have any kids, so you put a 0 on this line.

What a stool story!

I don't lie much anymore.  I have no real reason to lie.  I don't have to tell my parents where I just was (the library mom, I told you, we have a presentation and I needed to use the dewey decimal system).  I no longer have real homework, so I don't really have to tell someone about my fictitious, but embarrassing jock itch to get out of turning a paper in by 5pm.  And I've just started admitting I like Justin Timberlake.  So I really don't have many fibs to tell.  Therefore, currently, 95% of the lies I do tell are directly related to me getting away for 5 minutes so I can poo.

"Man, just saw a friend of mine from Chicago; he just started a Masters program here! Talked to him for like 7.23 minutes.  Crazy small world we have!"

"Sorry, my roommate called.  My fish just died.  Are my eyes still red from all the super sensitive crying I was just doing in the bathroom?"

"Sorry I'm late, my dog ate my ability to get here on time."

"He got so.........................................................."

When someone is trying to say a word, but it's not coming out, leaving that pause until they find their word, I literally hold my breath with theirs until the next word comes out.  I'm convinced you can kill me that way if you can just hold your breath for a beat longer than I can.  Or really can't find a synonym for, "outrageous".

Set your phasers on hilarious

My peds rotation has brought me to the conclusion that tazers are a bit barbaric when a long range tickle machine would most assuredly accomplish the same thing.

Beef with Beef

I'd give anything for a roast beef sandwich right now.  Well anything except walking 2 blocks and paying $6 for one.  But like, anything else.