"Staphylococcus aureus (pronounced /ˌstæfɨləˈkɒkəs ˈɔriəs/)" Oh, that's how to pronounce it? Thanks Wikipedia. If it weren't for you I would have gotten up in front of my class and looked like a total idiot. I probably would have pronounced it exactly how it looks. I would have been so embarrassed when someone pointed out that it is pronounced like a string of fucking gibberish.
They say that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but I just took anatomy and that is totally wrong. I would go through the chest. The chest is probably the best way.
If you don't have a Wikipedia article, I don't totally trust that you are a real thing.
One time I was reading a scientific paper and the words “matastable” and “susceptible” were close enough together that I thought it said “mustachable”. I thought I was about to read about the most exciting modern medical breakthrough. Turned out it was about stupid cancer. I hate cancer.
My parents came to visit recently and they were driving me and two of my friends around. I was showing them the sites around my house and kept referring to things as, “…best food truck in West Philly”, or “…busiest street in West Philly.” At some point my dad goes, “Why does everyone say West Philly, you can’t say West Philadelphia?” to which, without skipping a beat, all three of us replied, "...Born and raised. The playground is where I spent most of my days, chillin out max and relaxin all cool, shootin’ some b-ball outside of school...
All I really want to learn in school is the name of that disease where you can read two full pages worth of material only to realize you didn’t process a single fucking word. Because I definitely have that.
When there is free food offered at an event, people are always disappointed when it’s pizza. How can people hate freedom so much?
Coffee just makes me more alert while I procrastinate.
I’ve heard that we are the ADD generation and I totally believe that because about 25% of the time I call someone, by the time they answer, a mere 30 seconds later, I’ve forgotten who I’ve called and have to make awkward coughing noises while I look at my phone to see who I dialed before I end up saying “whats up, motherfucker?” to my grandma.
Sometimes, when I’m trying to get work done, I will offer myself a reward of distraction. For example, if I finish the intro section of the project I’m working on, I might reward myself with some YouTube. The problem is that the task takes 4 min. and the reward will go ahead and finish out the hour. I am bordering on doing a completely different task. At this point, my distraction is my project.