I'm starting a new segment for Medically Challenged (yes I regret this name). When I was in 8th grade consumer ed, we had to write a company a letter telling them what we thought about their product. This often resulted in getting whatever complaint we had taken care of, a very apologetic and well crafted response, and shitloads of super awesome free stuff. I've decided to start this back up with something I'm going to call, Consumer Right:
I have to say I have been very satisfied with my iPhone thus far. It has helped me find the proper exit or bridge several times, settled numerous bets, and gotten me out of that sticky situation in rural Kentucky, you know the one. I still can't shake the smell of maple syrup. Sure there have been some dropped calls, a glitch or two, and if you made me wait any longer to get picture texts, I was going to punch you right in your single button, but you got your act together and have really done a great Job (get it? No. Because you are humorless).
With all that said, I recently ran into a bit of a situation that is, and I don't want to sound too accusatory here, entirely your fault.
I wrote the following message to a young lady in my life:
"Might be just you and me tonight unless your friends have something fun going on. Want to do dinner and then back to my place for some Heroes?"
"Might be just you and me tonight unless your friends have something fun going on. Want to do dinner and then back to my place for some Herpes?"
She is at the gym, you have around 45 minutes to fix this situation before she gets back. I realize that I could probably rectify this situation myself with a follow up, corrective text, but I'm approaching my limit for the month. Thank you for your time.
Meat (I also regret this name)