Thursday, November 3, 2011

I'm like a super hero but without being super or a hero

In response to my recent post, truthfully, I've had to pull back on everything.  I'm basically hiding from the internet right now.  I have to apply for residencies which is, for all its other bullshit, still a job.  So posting poop jokes on twitter and the pictures of me in cat-face for the month of July are not cool, bro, not cool.

Privatize this, anonymize that, stop making up words like anonymize; life in the real world blows.  I realize the problem, you can't have doctors going around writing shit like I write, saying the shit I say, using the word "shit" so often.  It's unprofessional and makes people lose faith in doctors.  So I keep it anonymous.

Although in reality, I'm a work hard, play hard kind of person and I never mean anything but a joke.

I can complain about med school and make jokes about rectal exams being uncomfortable, but I don't dislike my patients and I don't dislike my work.  I'm ecstatic to be doing what I'm doing and take it very seriously.  That's why I write this.  It's an outlet for me to get all of the jokes out of my system before I walk into a manic patient's room, because when they start telling my team a 25 minute rambling story about a cat, going into exquisite detail about the cat, never letting focus get off the cat for more than a sentence, when they finally finish talking about the cat, if I don't have an outlet, then I feel it necessary to blurt out, "Sorry, you said you had a cat? Can you tell me more about that?".  That tends to make me unpopular with my colleagues (although super popular with the manic patients).  So I get the jokes out now.

A question that gets asked on interviews with a frequency high enough that I'm pretty sure it's  JCAHO* required interview question is, "how do you deal with stress? how do you relax?".  You have to say things like, "exercise" and "playing with underprivileged minority children", but even a legit real outlet, like writing a blog, is a huge no-no.  I took certain things off my application that were actually impressive and show me to be a well-rounded individual because you can google them.  Since this is just a job and they don't care how well-rounded I am, I'd rather them think I'm boring than think that I write the word "shit" so frequently.

I guess this is the duel-life I have signed up for, by day, mild mannered doctor, by night, slightly annoyed doctor, every month or so, when I have a free hour or so, dude who writes a shitty blog.

*note: JCAHO is the Joint Commission on Accreditation of Healthcare Organizations.  They are the standards committee that comes by once a year "without warning" and makes sure that people aren't like tossing needles into patients from a distance or letting patients just wee where they want.  They are sticklers for things like washing hands and not weeing wherever you want.  A real drag.  They would never sanction a question about the well-being of doctors because they would never care about the well-being of doctors.

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