Saturday, February 27, 2010


I'm gonna say it.  It's not popular, and you're gonna boo and throw shit at me, but I'm gonna say it anyway.  The Olympics aren't that great (ducks a shoe).  Frankly, it's not really that fun to watch, it's just "cool" to like the olympics.

I think this is most evidenced by the fact that you can turn on the tv after 4 years, know tops 3 names for the entire two weeks and yet somehow you can tout your status as, "Olympic's Fanatic" with gusto.  "Oh this guy, he's the favorite, he got silver last time and trained really hard after his broken wrist when they said he wouldn't make it". Yo, I can fucking understand English too, the announcer just said that.  And let me guess, your favorite is the underdog American?  Or wait, no, this year, it's a Haitian.  

The fact that you can say, "I just like all the sports!", how is that ok in sports world? That would be like me saying yeah, I'm a huge pro sports fan.  I love it when those professionals get up there and are really professional at their sport.  With their amazing shots, and swings, and ability to Jai Alai real good.

Sometimes the sport is just them running for 2 hours.  You are cheering for the worst part of every other sport.  The part that happens in between the sport.  Or the ski jump.  How is that a sport?  It's a pissing contest.  Like...really.  Don't get me wrong, I would love to see who can jump the farthest in the world, and if I got the chance, I'd watch it live, but I would also love to see who can piss the farthest.  And I'd probably go see that live too.  But I don't need a massive ceremony and a big torch.  I need beer.  And maybe something with melted cheese on it.

"It's the everyman's sport."  Yeah of course it fucking is.  It has basketball and figure skating.  They cover all bases.  I'm suprised they haven't gotten the Food Network involved or had olympic Sex and the City trivia.

Let's just call it what it is.  You like it because it's every four years, which is sexy and abusive. You can't go wrong with the cheering, you don't know anyone from another country.  And no one can make you feel stupid because if you can pronounce a single foreign participant's name correctly, you can make the Sportscenteriest dude in your office seem like he quickly needs to learn some indy bands or no one will respect his uniqueness.  Here's to another 4 (2) year wait.


Nicholas said...

You're ignoring one important part of this, Mr. Wet Blanket. It's the only time Huge Rich America is allowed to beat the crap out of tiny countries with minuscule GDP and we can get excited and brag about it.

*throws shoe

Julie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Julie said...

(first comment had a typo)
from last night…to support your argument

Location: in a US bar with Canadians
Primary Activity: 1) drinking
Secondary Activity: 2) watching Canada and Slovakia paying hockey in the semifinals
My nationality: US
My knowledge of hockey: minimal
My sentiments towards hockey prior to entering the bar: stupid sport
My sentiments towards hockey after leaving the bar: stupid sport.

My sentiments toward the last six minutes of the game: certainly the best six public minutes of my week

Julie said...

And, oh yeah... I had a sliders with cheese, too.

Case closed.